recipes 29, 30, and 31: TRIFECTA THE FIRST- bolognese

I'm finally back on the grid and moving on to the trifecta of trifectas! The first trifecta is bolognese. I HEART bolognese. Bolognese reminds me of my dad. I've never seen him order bolognese at a restaurant anywhere in the US of A, but... send him to Greece to see the odd unraveling of bolognese monomania! My dad is a picky eater. And as a result, my mom, my sister Colleen, and I get nervous when he ends up in a situation outside of his limited comfort zone of food, which is exactly what happened during a family vacation in Greece. Here's how it unfolded- night 1 in Athens:

Colleen: Mmmm... should I get the spanakopita or pastitsio or...
Mom: ...Or the moussaka...
Me: ...Or the tzatziki first and then the souvlaki?... What are you going to get, Dad?
Dad: radio silence... and silence... and silence.
Colleen: I'm going with the pastitsio!
Mom: Moussaka for me, please!
Me: Spanakopita and then souvlaki, thanks!
Dad: radio silence... and silence... and silence.
Mom: Tom?
Me and Colleen: Dad. Dad? Hey! Dad?
Dad: Okay, okay! I'll have the bol-ya-nese.
Me, Mom, and Colleen: The what?
Dad: Bol-ya-nese, please!
Me, Mom, and Colleen: The bolognese? First of all, you're saying it wrong. Second of all, why would you order that in Greece? Dad/Tom, you're embarrassing us a little!
Dad: Sounds good to me! Bol-ya-nese please!

Here's how it unfolded for the next six nights in Greece: see above with the exception of him concluding with a zesty: "I found what I like and I'm sticking to it!" He gets monomania about food when we go on family vacations. He also concluded every single meal on an Alaskan cruise with a single scoop of chocolate ice cream and a Foster's beer, which he insisted was a delicious combination of taste explosions. There will, however, not be a post about the mingling of chocolate ice cream and Foster's.

So... bolognese! These recipes are listed in ascending order of complication. Tristan thinks the middle one is the most delicious and if I was hard-pressed to pick my favorite, I would probably agree. The first recipe is an adaptation of my mom's "quick sauce." The second is an adaptation of Mario Batali's recipe called "Butcher's Ragu" published in Food and Wine: http://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/butchers-ragu-with-fusilli. The third is also from the world wide web, but I found it awhile ago and I don't remember my source, other than the fact that the source had to do with wine as well.

CAVATELLI WITH "QUICK SAUCE"
Ingredients:
-ground beef
-good white wine
-good tomato sauce
-good cavatelli
-good grated parmesan cheese

Instructions:
1) brown the beef and drain off the fat
2) add lots of good white wine and simmer on very low heat until the wine is almost fully boiled off
3) add good tomato sauce and simmer on low heat until the sauce is the desired consistency (the longer the simmer, the yummier the sauce!)
4) serve with good cavatelli and good grated parmesan (please note all of the emphasis on: "good")

BUTCHER'S RAGU WITH PAPPARDELLE (serves 4-6)
Ingredients:
-1/4 c plus 1 T good olive oil
-8-12 oz mirepoix (which is a fine dice of equal parts onions, carrots, and celery)
-1 minced garlic clove
-4 oz diced pancetta
-1 lb lean ground beef
-about 3/4 small can of tomato paste
-4 oz diced prosciutto
-1 c milk
-1 c dry white wine
-1 c water
-salt and black pepper
-1 lb to 1 1/2 lb of fresh pappardelle
-grated pecorino romano cheese

Instructions:
1) heat 1/4 c of oil in a heavy skillet
2) add the mirepoix and garlic, and saute, stirring occasionally, for about 10 minutes
3) add the pancetta and beef and cook until the beef is no longer pink
4) add the tomato paste and cook for about 10 more minutes, while stirring
5) add the prosciutto, milk, wine, and water, and simmer for an hour and 15 minutes, stirring occasionally

6) season with salt and pepper
7) cook the pappardelle according to package instructions (adding 1 T of olive oil and some salt to the pot) while the sauce is simmering

8) add the sauce and cheese to the top of the pappardelle. Y-U-M!

FETTUCCINE BOLOGNESE (serves 6-8)

Ingredients:
-1/4 c olive oil
-1 medium onion, finely diced
-1 medium carrot, finely diced
-1 rib of celery, finely diced
-2 oz diced pancetta
-1/2 lb lean ground beef
-1/2 lb lean ground pork
-2 large garlic cloves, chopped
-3/4 c dry white wine
-1 c low sodium chicken broth
-28 oz can of peeled San Marzano tomatoes, diced, juices reserved
-1/2 t dried thyme
-1 bay leaf
-salt and fresh ground black pepper, to taste
-1/4 c light cream
-2 lbs fresh fettuccine
-freshly grated parmesan cheese

Instructions:
1) heat 1 T of olive oil in a large, heavy saucepan
2) add the onion, carrot, celery, and pancetta and cook over medium heat
3) cook and stir until the vegetables are softened but not browned, about 8 minutes
4) scrape the vegetable mixture into a large bowl
5) add the remaining olive oil to the pan and heat
6) add the beef and pork and cook over medium heat for about 5 minutes, until the meat is only barely pink
7) add the garlic and cook for one minute
8) add the wine and cook until it is simmered down, for about 8 minutes
9) stir in the drained, diced tomatoes, chicken stock, the reserved tomato juice, thyme, bay leaf, salt, and pepper
10) bring the sauce to a boil, add the cooked vegetables to the sauce, cover partially, and cook over medium-low heat for about an hour
11) cook the pasta according to package instructions while the sauce is simmering
12) discard the bay leaf, stir in the cream, and cook until heated through
13) toss the cooked pasta with the sauce and top with the parmesan

A note to my new readers...

Right around this time every week, the blog posts usually cease until next weekend. That is because I turn from "weekend Tiff" into this creature:

I spend Monday through Friday looking indistinguishable from the above. I self-importantly zip around at the speed of light like a chicken with my head cut off and completely disappear from cyberspace for 5 days. Don't worry, I always come back! (Oh no! Tristan just said I'm this creature on the weekends too. I say: exaggeration!) This delightful concoction is what I am on weekends:

recipes 26, 27, and 28: a nod to marine life!

Oh gosh, I am distracted from the trifecta of trifectas idea AGAIN! That is because today is the 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking, which I'm sure you know if you've gone anywhere near the world wide web today. The anniversary inspired this nod to recipes featuring marine life. I asked Tristan: "Too soon?" He said: "Nope. Totally fine. Goofy. It's fine. Do it." I'm not sure that he fully processed my question. He appears distracted by his iPad. Anyway, here is my favorite Titanic story: http://news.yahoo.com/photos/titanic-orphans-a-tale-of-survival-slideshow/titanic-orphans-photo-1332875315.html#crsl=%252Fphotos%252Ftitanic-orphans-a-tale-of-survival-slideshow%252Ftitanic-orphans-photo-1332875316.html. It involves two short-term orphans and is completely my cup of tea. It is a shame that it took a 100th Titanic anniversary commemoration for me to even know about the existence of these two little tykes. And in commemoration of the Titanic, here are three fish recipes. First, we have my uncle/godfather Uncle Rudy's fried shrimp recipe. Copyright: Uncle Ru. Second is a recipe that I've been making for so long that I can't remember whether I made it up or found it somewhere. Third is a recipe that I for sure made up recently.

UNCLE RUDY'S FRIED SHRIMP
Ingredients:
-raw, white, de-veined shrimp (the size that is 15-20 shrimp per pound)
-one bowl with flour in it
-one bowl with whisked egg in it
-one bowl with cracker meal in it (this can be found in the seafood section of the grocery store)
-tartar sauce (to make it homemade, mix equal parts of mayo and relish)
-an oil mix consisting of 80% vegetable oil and 20% olive oil, apparently this is the magic frying breakdown

Instructions:
1) cut the tails off of the shrimp and start heating a generous amount of oil in a frying pan until the oil is very hot
2) rotate each shrimp through the flour, egg, and cracker meal
3) fry until lightly browned on each side
4) drain on paper towels and serve with tartar sauce

BROILED LEMON CAPER SALMON
Ingredients:
-salmon fillets, however many you're going to eat
-olive oil
-fresh lemons
-cracked pepper
-capers

Instructions:
1) preheat oven to 450 degrees
2) put the salmon fillets in a baking dish and drizzle with olive oil and fresh squeezed lemon juice
3) sprinkle on some cracked pepper and capers
4) top with thin slices of lemon
5) broil until desired doneness, checking it in 5 minute intervals

BEER AND BACON SEARED COD
Ingredients:
-cod fillets
-salt and pepper
-dill (fresh or dried), to taste
-lemon juice
-4 slices bacon
-half a pint of grape tomatoes
-beer, to taste
-a sprinkling of capers
-NOTE: you will need a skillet or griddle that has an oven-safe handle for this recipe

Instructions:
1) preheat the oven to 450 degrees
2) sprinkle the cod fillet with salt, pepper, dill, and lemon juice and set aside
3) cook 4 slices of bacon in a skillet until crisp
4) set the bacon aside and crumble when cooled
5) remove most of the bacon fat from the pan, but leave a little bit in, and turn the burner to high heat
6) add the cod to the bacon pan and cook for one minute on each side
7) sprinkle the grape tomatoes in the pan, swirl with beer, and add the capers
8) transfer the skillet to the oven for about 5 or 6 minutes
9) remove from oven, add the bacon, and return to oven for 2 minutes
10) enjoy this from near, far, wherever you are... (I think I just quoted Celine Dion, how timely).

WAIT! WAIT! This is actually a trifecta of marine life recipes. It is a pre-trifecta trifecta. Unless you live in my mind, this probably makes zero sense. Still to come: the trifecta of trifectas.

recipes 24 and 25: chunky monkey pancakes and candied bacon

But before there was a trifecta of trifectas, there was... breakfast! The inspiration for "chunky monkey" pancakes comes from this food blog that I follow: http://www.ourbestbites.com/2010/09/banana-chocolate-chip-pancakes-with-peanut-butter-syrup-chunky-monkey-pancakes/. The inspiration for "candied bacon" comes from the Loveless Cafe cookbook. Loveless Cafe is in Nashville: http://www.lovelesscafe.com/. Here is the link for the cookbook: http://www.hamsandjams.com/product/Loveless_Cookbook/cookbooks_kitchen. Loveless Cafe, which quickly made it to my list of favorite restaurants, was introduced to me by my number-one-go-to-friend-for-everything-food-and-humor related. Her name is Amanda, she grew up in Nashville, and I know her from grad school. Together, we are the quintessential foodie-stand-up-comedian team. We enjoy pranks (perhaps to a fault) and in our own minds, we are extremely funny and popular (note again: this is pretty much only in our own two minds). Please observe how we dressed up in authentic dirndls (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dirndl) at Oktoberfest in Munich.

Shortly after this picture was taken, we flounced over to the Oktoberfest tents, pretended to be citizens of Deutschland, and tricked the tourists into taking copious pictures with us. This tale is only a wee snapshot of our adventures. But alas, it is breakfast time, not German time. And without further ado:

CHUNKY MONKEY PANCAKES (serves 4)
Ingredients:
-2 c Bisquick
-1 c milk
-2 eggs
-2 small ripe bananas, mashed
-3 T chocolate chips and 3 T peanut butter chips, tossed lightly with flour
-cooking spray
-peanut butter syrup = 1 part peanut butter to 3 or 4 parts maple syrup (make it as thick or thin as you desire)

Instructions:
1) stir Bisquick, milk, and eggs until blended
2) stir in the bananas, chocolate chips, and peanut butter chips
3) spray a griddle with cooking spray and cook pancakes

4) drizzle on the peanut butter syrup and enjoy with candied bacon (recipe to follow)

CANDIED BACON (serves 4)
Ingredients:
-1/3 c brown sugar
-water
-cumin powder, to taste
-8 slices of bacon (the thicker the cut, the better!)

Instructions:
1) preheat the oven to 400 degrees
2) add enough water to the brown sugar to make a thick sauce
3) stir in cumin
4) dredge the bacon in the mixture
5) place the bacon in a baking pan that has sides (so the liquid doesn't drip into the stove) and bake in the oven for 15-20 minutes
6) drain the excess fat by placing the bacon on paper towels before serving

NEXT UP...

...A trifecta of trifectas! "Stick around!" -Tony Danza, Who's the Boss, circa 1988

recipe 23: red velvet cupcakettes

I will once again surprise the [very small] masses with some refreshing brevity: Y-U-M. This recipe comes mini-fied straight from McCormick Red and it is for sure the best red velvet recipe on earth (trust me: testing has been done) http://www.mccormick.com/Recipes/Desserts/Red-Velvet-Cupcakes.aspx.

RED VELVET CUPCAKETTES (makes about a zillion mini cupcakes)
Ingredients for mini cupcakes:
-2 1/2 c flour
-1/2 c cocoa powder
-1 t baking soda
-1/2 t salt
-1 c softened butter (2 sticks)
-2 c sugar
-4 eggs
-1 c sour cream
-1/2 c whole milk
-1 oz red food coloring
-2 t vanilla extract
-red sugar crystals (to taste, as you will see below, I may have gone overboard)

Ingredients for cream cheese frosting:
-8 oz cream cheese, softened
-1/4 c butter (1/2 stick), softened
-2 T sour cream
-2 t vanilla extract
-16 oz confectioner's sugar

Instructions:
1) preheat oven to 350 degrees
2) mix flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt
3) beat butter and sugar in a large bowl on medium speed for 5 minutes
4) beat in eggs, one at a time, and then mix in sour cream, milk, red food coloring, and vanilla
5) gradually beat in flour mix just until blended
6) spoon into mini-muffin cups to 2/3 full (make sure to spray with cooking spray if not using cupcake wrappers)
7) bake, checking at 15 minutes and 18 minutes (these should be ready by 20 minutes at the longest)
8) while baking, make the frosting...
9) beat together all frosting ingredients except the confectioner's sugar, beating until fluffy
10) gradually beat in the confectioner's sugar
11) make sure to let the cupcakes cool before frosting and sprinkling with red sugar crystals!

EDITED! recipes 20, 21, and 22: cadbury creme egg brownies, simple deviled eggs, and smoked salmon, goat cheese, and dill quiche

Easter = eggs. 'Nuff said! And with that uncharacteristically brief and un-wordy intro, here you go. [EDITED! The intro is no longer uncharacteristically brief and un-wordy as I just realized I forgot to post my Cadbury creme egg brownie recipe in my Easter post! I thought that I'd come up with the Cadbury creme egg brownie recipe concoction entirely on my own a couple of years ago. Google, apparently, would beg to differ. It appears that a lot of people make Cadbury creme egg brownies. Whatever. I will say that when I made these for the first time circa 2009 or 2010, I truly believed that the invention was entirely my own. I have no reason to lie about this as I think I've established a pretty good track record of posting the source of my recipes!] As for the other two recipes, I've been making the deviled eggs for a long time and I'm sure I found the recipe somewhere generic (like I said, really good about posting my source). The salmon, goat cheese, and dill quiche is from the same high school classmate's food blog that is no longer in existence. Sad face. If I remember correctly, I believe she also credited Cooking Light for this recipe. Now serving: healthy-ish eggs (the quiche), not-so-healthy eggs (the deviled ones), and totally fake eggs (you can guess this one by process of elimination).

CADBURY CREME EGG BROWNIES
Ingredients:
-Ghirardelli brownie mix and accompanying ingredients
-one dozen (gasp!) Cadbury creme egg brownies

Instructions:
1) prepare Ghirardelli brownie batter according to instructions
2) PLEASE use Ghirardelli and not other brownie mixes - it is the crown jewel of brownie mixes as far as I'm concerned http://www.ghirardellibrownies.com/
3) roughly chop the creme eggs (this will be gooey and messy) and stir a third or half into the batter, anything goes!
4) bake the brownies according to instructions
5) as soon as the brownies come out of the oven, slather the top with the remaining creme eggs and allow to cool

SIMPLE DEVILED EGGS (makes a platter for a mini-picnic)
Ingredients:
-6 large eggs
-3 T mayo
-1/2 - 1 T mustard
-salt, pepper, and paprika
-1 T capers

Instructions:
1) put the eggs in a pot and cover them with an inch of cold water on top
2) bring the eggs to a boil, remove from heat, cover, and let stand for 18 minutes in the hot water
3) take the eggs out of the water and immediately immerse them in cold water to cool
4) peel the eggs and cut lengthwise
5) scoop out the yolks and mash with the mayo, mustard, salt, and pepper
6) stir in the capers
7) scoop the yolk mixture back into the egg white shells and dust with paprika

SMOKED SALMON, GOAT CHEESE, AND DILL QUICHE (makes one quiche; serves 4)
Ingredients:
-1/2 medium red onion, thinly sliced
-1 T unsalted butter
-1 1/4 c fat free evaporated milk
-1/4 c fat free sour cream
-1 T dijon mustard
-4 large egg whites plus 1 large egg (yolk included)
-4 oz crumbled goat cheese
-approx 4 oz thinly sliced smoked salmon
-chopped fresh dill to taste (I say "tons")
-salt and pepper
-pinch of nutmeg
-ready-made pie crust

Instructions:
1) preheat oven to 400 degrees
2) melt butter in skillet and saute the onions
3) whisk the next 6 ingredients in a big bowl
4) stir in the onions, salmon, and dill
5) season with salt, pepper, and nutmeg
6) pour into a crust (don't let it overflow!) and bake for 45-60 minutes until set